When my husband and I decided to adopt we wondered what kind of reaction we would get from people. With deciding to adopt a child from Ethiopia, would people question our ability to parent a child of another race and our motives? To some extent I expected that people might. I think anytime you decide to do something “off the beaten path” people are not always sure what to think.
Matthew and I have spent the better part of a year trying to decide if this would be the right choice for our family and more importantly for the child we plan to adopt. Given how much time we have spent trying to answer all of the difficult questions we have had for ourselves, I find it very insulting when someone makes a quick split second judgement of us and our decision to adopt from Africa.
When Matthew went to his family doctor a few weeks back to get the required “adoption medical”, his doctor asked him where we were adopting from. Matthew replied by saying “Ethiopia”, to which the Dr’s response was “ahhh you want to be like Angelina Jolie”. How frustrating I find this response! How can someone judge your motives on such an important matter in a few mere seconds?
I want to share my feelings (sorry I need to vent).
-Statistics vary depending on the source but many estimates put the number of orphans in Sub-Saharan Africa in the millions. In 2006, only 61 children were adopted from Ethiopia into Canadian families. This would only account for about one one-hundred thousandth of the orphaned children, which is anything but a trend.
-International adoption is not a trend; it is a way to build a family. If celebrity adoptions draw attention to this then I applaud them.
-Making adoption seem like a trend is hurtful to the families who are investing so much time, energy, money, emotion, thought and research into the process. It is hurtful to the children whose life story is being diminished by the comment. Lastly, it is hurtful to the agencies and governments who work hard on behalf of these children to find them homes.
-For those people who are opposed to transracial adoption, you just can’t say that it is wrong without having ideas about what might be better for these children. We agree that the best thing for these children is to stay with their birth parents. If that is not possible, the next best thing would be to live with extended family, or to be adopted within their own birth country. International adoption should be a last resort, but unfortunately millions of children in the world are at their “last resort”. Historically in Africa, orphans were cared for by their extended families but with the HIV/AIDS pandemic and poverty there are not always enough adults to go around. When Matthew and I think about these children we wonder without adoption who would tuck them into bed at night, dry their tears when they cry, put a band aid on there scraped knees, watch there soccer games and school performances? Who would watch these children grow into adults and do their best to ensure their success in life? Who would ensure they have clean water to drink, nutritious food to eat, a safe environment to live in and an education? When I think about these things, I know we are making the right decision and I want to advocate for adoption. We recognize there is a great loss when children are taken from their birth countries and we don’t underestimate the challenges we will face raising a child of another culture and race. We don’t think adoption is the solution to the poverty in the world, but we do think it might be a small miracle for our family. A small miracle for a child who otherwise may not have had the love of a family, and a small miracle for two people who want to be parents and share their love with a child.
Visiting Matthew
There’s something about Spring…
4 months ago
