Almost “officially waiting” and thinking about motherhood

We are still a long way away from taking flight to Ethiopia but the good news is that our dossier will be taking flight as it will be put in the mail and sent to Ethiopia tomorrow. Yippi! I was so happy to hear this. We were told that it should land in Ethiopia in about 1 week and at that time we will start the "official wait" for a referral, the most important wait we have had so far. For those reading who don’t know what a dossier is, it is a package of all the information that was required by the government and the homestudy our social worker did that was just approved by the ministry.

As we move on to this next phase of waiting I am again feeling reflective. Often I wonder where the child is who will someday be our son or daughter, what he or she is doing etc. Tonight I have been wondering about our child’s birth mother. As I am getting closer and closer to becoming a mother I can't help but think about the mother who is getting closer and closer to losing her child. How my greatest joy will come from this woman’s greatest loss. My thoughts are bittersweet. Will we ever meet? Will Matthew and I ever know who she is and the reasons she had for placing her child for adoption?

Although the idea of meeting her is frightening for me in some ways, I really hope we get the chance. I know that only a few families get to meet their child’s birthparents, but if we could I would try to do the following... I would try to anticipate all of the questions our child might have over the years so that I could have answers to share someday. I would take as many pictures as possible so that someday when our son or daughter is looking in the mirror and wondering "whose eyes and nose do mine look like?" I would have a picture to show. If we don’t have an opportunity to meet them I know that as we grow as a family our child will wonder where his birthparents are, what they look like, what they are doing, and I think that it will be hard as a parent to not have these answers.

I am sure over the years we will be thinking of them, as I am tonight, from a half a world away and wondering if they are ever thinking of us. Somewhere out there our child has and will always have a birth family, a birth mother and a birth father, maybe siblings, aunties and uncles, grandparents. A whole family tree with branches and roots that we may only be able to imagine. People who love him or her enough to make sure that he or she makes it to a safe place to be cared for. So even if we never know who they are, even if all we can ever do is imagine them and what they are like, I am starting to realize that they will always be a part of our child’s family and because of that a part of ours.